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Closing time

It’s nearing 7-o-clock and I’m getting ready to get off work and go on a big date.  1 freaking year of dating…wow…that sounds like such a long time.  But this isn’t going to be about my dating life…simply because it’s rather boring.  Zing! there’s a good topic. 

The other day I was eating dinner with some good friends of mine and I came to the unfortunate realization that I have become kind of lame in my pursuit of adulthood.  I no longer want to stay out past 10, I’m trying to save money instead of making it rain in Best Buy and worst of all I think I’d rather sit at my apartment and watch a movie or a tv show or something than go hang out with people.  Gee thanks realization…I was kind of content in my ignorance of my level of lameness. 

But I have been inspired to change.  And there are a few contributing factors.  Number 1:  My apartment is disgusting.  There’s dishes everywhere, clothes on the floor and dust covering everything to the point that even I can’t ignore it.  Number 2:  I don’t want to look back on my younger years and wonder what the hell I’ve done with my youth.  And I definitely don’t want the answer to be “I watched a bunch of movies and tv shows.” Number 3:  This one is a doozey.  I went and saw Harry Potter Sunday night and decided that if these 17 year old kids can defeat the greatest evil their world has ever seen, I can stand to go on some more adventures.  Now a good argument to make at this point would be…it’s not real.  Which is entirely beside the point.  Who gives a flying rat’s ass if it’s real or not?  It sufficiently does what all good stories do and that is take you away from the mundane lives we are forced to live and into something wonderful.  Pushing all the depressing notes out of that little ditty…I mean it.  That’s the entertainment industry is so high-dollar because people crave that escape.  Hell even I crave that escape. Last but not least and maybe the most subtly affective factor:  I can no longer fit into my skinny jeans.

So what to do about this little awakening.  Well for starters I’m going to go out to dinner for my 1-year anniversary, not be frugal, go get drinks afterward, and have some stimulating and hopefully fulfilling conversation.  I feel like I’m wasting my youth and that drives me crazy.  Of course I’d rather not actually be the only defense human kind has against the forces of evil, but it might not be a bad thing to be able to clean my apartment by waving a stick around and speaking some Latin.  But since that’s not an option, how about I do my best to make what I’m doing now. 

I don’t think it’s a bad thing to have my head in the clouds sometimes, as long as I occasionally look down and make sure my feet are still planted firmly in the real world. 

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Posted at 6:55 PM 22 November 2010

Motorcycles and Mustaches

As of Thursday, October 298, 2010, I officially joined motorcycle riders everywhere by bringing home my very own Kawasaki Vulcan 500.  Friday I was initiated into the club by exchanging “the wave” with another of the two-wheeled persuasion.  For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, “the wave” is a form of greeting motorcyclists use to acknowledge each other when passing.  A feeling of excitement and pride filled my body and soul as I shot a peace sign at the ground.  The wave was promptly returned and thus began the first day of the rest of my life.  Since that moment, all I’ve wanted to do is drive the blasted thing around, I get anxious when 3-o-clock rolls around because it means the work day is almost over and I can go riding.  I feel like a stupid little kid with a new toy but I can’t help it. 

I’ve just gotten to where I can go above 25 and not freak out because I’ve convinced myself my speedometer is wrong and I’m really traveling at least 95 down a neighborhood street.  It really is a different experience though, and there are a lot of things I’m going to have to get used to.  The main thing being the mentality that if someone hits me, oh well, my car is a piece of junk anyways so no harm-no foul.  But now it’s a big-time foul because being hit means instant death, or at least a whole lot of pain.  But as I’ve been stuck in my 4-wheeled cage it’s given me a lot of time to think about the benefits of being out in the open air, not surrounded by strong, protective steel specifically engineered to keep me safe in even the worst of collisions.  For one thing it will force me to slow down and take my time when traveling places.  I won’t be able to tail people who piss me off and I’ll have to drive defensively again.  This should remove a large portion of anxiety and stress from my life because the majority of people seem to be awful drivers and I’ll have to stay on my toes to keep out of their way. 

So in addition to slowing down my lifestyle, it’s also giving me the cool factor that I’ve been needing.  While I’ll be the first person to admit, I’m pretty awesome.  Allow me to take a second to list my best qualities.  First I’m the funniest guy I know, second I’m a real charmer, third I’m a good test-taker, fourth I don’t have a ridiculous amount of body hair, and fifth I’m just plain awesome.  So you might be asking yourself…self, I just don’t think he needs a cool factor; in fact he sounds pretty awesome to me.  Well you’re right and you’re wrong.  I am awesome but I’m just not that cool.  I drive a 99 Oldsmobile Alero with scratches and dents all over it, and I can’t grow a proper beard.  So along with adding the coolness of riding a motorcycle, I also grew a mustache, only to learn that I can’t actually grow a mustache very well.  My father, on the other hand, who also rides a motorcycle, can grow a sweet-ass mustache and I figured, hey…I’m my father’s son so let’s give this a go. 

Epic fail.

So I’m just going to have to take the points I get from the motorcycle and hope that it makes up for my quirkiness, inherent geekiness and lack of sufficient facial hair.  So to all you motorcyclists out there…deuces to the ground and keep the rubber side down…to everyone else…please don’t run in to me!

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Posted at 3:58 PM 02 November 2010
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Posted at 9:47 AM 08 February 2010